And Again

I am not going to write about the cycle I keep repeating and how I really don’t understand why I can’t keep at something.  It’s boring.  I don’t know why my resolve and perseverance wane, but they do.  That’s it; they do. But I am back and with a vengeance, too. Who knows for how long but right now, shot out of the gate is what I did.

I am also not going to write about how i wish the blog were perfect, how I wish it had a theme, a plan, a strategy, even a fancy backdrop thingie.  I am going to love it just as it is and appreciate it for its utility.  I am not going to avoid posting here until I have a plan for each post, which means the posts won’t be as well written.  That was the point from the beginning though was to deal with the procrastination that the perfectionism brings.  I shall not become my mother, well at least not in that way- oh and if you are listening, oh great creator/planner, I’d like to avoid ending up with her feet, too.

So from now on the blog is a place to simply write things down.  Ideas, thoughts, plans, musings, whatever.  That’s it- more of an online notebook or trapper keeper, rather than a start at great literature.

Before closing though, maybe I should make a few goals for myself and my writing-(it can’t be helped without one I will just feel empty inside).  I would like to post something every day. Not something perfect, just something.

Tomorrow’s post- Great ideas

Judgement vs. Experience

I’ll take the first one any day. I will never understand why experience is touted over judgement.  Isn’t the whole point of experience to build better judgement and possibly even wisdom. If a person’s 35 years of experience don’t bring better judgement than is the experience anything more than just that. If a person starts a career with great judgment, aren’t those the people who usually climb the ladder of success faster.  Isn’t this the meaning of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.  I don’t believe this supposedly American addage implies that a person who toils away at the same job with the same results is successful but instead stagnant or in some cases satiated.

Why wouldn’t we want a president who has shown clear judgment and the willingness to listen and adapt to situations and advice of those around him?  I think a lot of this not enough experience crap is playing well because of the last 8 years of the decider.  People were fooled by the last fool who impressed upon them that his job was to make all the decisions and run the country.  In reality a president is supposed to lead, and the best leaders are the ones who listen with an open mind and then make decisions based on opinions of those who may know more than he does or may have more experience in an area than he does.  I am pretty sure Lincoln one of America’s favorite presidents had very little government experience, but what he did was surround himself with people who would foster debate and challenge him. This was how great policy and things manifested in his time.  It wasn’t because he had been in office for more than 20 years and touted himself the decider of all things.

Why are Americans so willing to believe that this country belongs to anyone other than the citizens.  This isn’t the president’s country; it isn’t a dictatorship where we simply toil away to do his bidding, at least it doesn’t have to be. My president is leader who inspires people to step up and serve. My president makes me believe that change for the better is possible, not just change for change’s sake. My president involves people in the process even those he may not agree with because he doesn’t see himself as the decider but instead as an agent of change.

Procrastination

Why is that I must feel the pressure in order to see something to completion?  It is evident in all parts of my life: school, work, personal, and now even in this goals/points/hockey tix thing.  Here it is August 25th and I am 40 points short of my goal in order to get not only me but my two bestests their tix too.  Do I feel the pressure?  Yes, has it forced me to buckle down and get to it?  Well.. almost.

Almost, I am counting points and making plans and counting and checking, and planning, but….. tonight… while there was a mad dash to get the yarn and purse handles to finish the two knitted projects that will bring in 12 points, there was also…… Wendy’s.  So pressure, yes, enough to make me get in my car, enough that I am drinking my vegetable points, but not enough to totally inconvenience my life.  You would think being as organized and such the planner that I am that i wouldn’t be a procrastinator, but alas… I guess I wouldn’t say I am procrastinator, because i never wait until the last minute to start something, I just wait until the last minute to finish it.

But finish it I do. Now only 39 points left and there is a hood to be knit.

A Problem

I really do have one.  Recently I became addicted to podcasts. I am listening mainly to knittting podcasts as well as some liberal media podcasts, since there doesn’t seem to be a way to get any real (read liberal) news other than NPR.  I have found a few knitting podcasts that I really like, some that I haven’t had a chance to listen to yet, and one that I am not really sure I like.  Now mind you I have listened to 35 episodes of the one I am not really sure that I like.  I feel like I am supposed to like her, most knitters like her and the podcasters I really like LOVE her. I keep listening, not only do I keep listening but I actually force myself to listen by not allowing myself to listen to the one I really like until I have caught up with the one I don’t really like.  You should also not here that each of the not so liked podcasts is approximately an hour long, of course I fast forward through most of the music so it takes me approximately 30 minutes or so to listen to each one, but with 35 under my belt that is 17.5 hours of my life I won’t get back. To be fair, usually I am doing something else while listening like walking, metroing, or working but still I could be listenting to the one I really like because there are 40 of them I haven’t listened to yet or I could be listening to one of the 20 that I haven’t yet tried, but no I force myself to listen to the one that doesn’t really appeal to me.

Why do I feel the need to do this?  Is this a good quality?  One you would call discipline?  Or is it a form of self-torture?  Is it my way of telling myself I don’t deserve the good stuff until I deal with the bad stuff first?  Like no dessert until vegetables?

While the answers to these questions are important, right now I must be off to catch up on some podcasts.  I think I am going to give her 5 more episodes and then if I am really sure I don’t like it, I just skim the rest.

Workout Blahs:

Nothing worse than running on the treadmill and getting bored.  If I am not challenged, then I am ready to go and by go I mean to get my ass off and move on to something else. In order to challenge myself I sometimes set goals like: run until the song is over, run until you reach a certain number of calories, run until you reach a certain number of seconds (this one usually doesn’t work). The one I have found to be most effective lately is to run sprints for 30 seconds at a time, consistently increasing the time.  Then I found that I can’t remember what I did the day before so I don’t know if I am improving or just tricking myself. Hence this post, with the following workout schedule posted here at least now I can come back and check periodically to see if I am actually improving.

Cardio:

At the high point of my gym life I was running 4 miles a day which took about 45 minutes.  Currently I am running 3 miles and it is taking 33 minutes. The incline is 4.0. I start with a 1 minute warm-up at 3.6-3.8 and then move to running at 6.0-6.2 with short burst of 1 minute to 30 seconds each all the way up to 7.2-7.4.  The running/sprinting last approximately 7 minutes (no less than 5 and no more than 10). Then I walk at 35.-3.8 for one to two minutes depending on how long the running was.  I do 15 minutes or so (no less and at least 1.5 miles) and then do free weights for arms or legs.  Then after free weights I do the same cardio activity.

Arms:

All in sets of 12

12 lb bicep curls 3 sets
10 lb shoulder raise 3 sets
8 lb front shoulder raise 3 sets
8 lb tricep extension 3 sets
16 lb tricep overhead
10 lb bent row alternation 3 sets
Legs:

All in sets of 12

Lunges with 5 lbs 3 sets
Squats with 5 lbs 3 sets toes pointed forward
Squats with 5 lbs 1 set toes pointed out

Abs:

Same ab workout since 1999 that consists of four different types of crunches, 75 of each for a total of 300.

All workouts end with 5 minutes of stretching.

It appears after writing this down that I am in need of a few things.  At least 2 more exercises for my legs and at least one for my back.

Sitting Quietly is Hard:

I was never really good at this even when I was in 2nd grade.  I was always the girl that drove the teachers crazy, you know the one who can pay attention and talk at the same time.  At parent/teacher conferences all the teachers could say was, “Yes she is very smart, yes she does all of her homework, but she distracts other students with her constant talking.”  As an ex-teacher I know just how irritating this is, but if it makes my old teachers feel any better, this is coming back around to bit me right in my chatty heiney.. well that was kind of gross, but you get the picture.

My lack of appreciation for silence as a youngster has turned into pure frustration as an adult who is trying to meditate.  I have been working on it for 3 months in total but seriously for a month. Some days are definitely better than others. The days when I am tired or most stressed out are the most difficult. Getting the mind to be quiet so I can have alert presence is almost impossible when my day has been consumed with trying to figure out how I am going to eat while attending graduate school.

I have found the easiest thing to do is to use a guided meditation where someone is speaking to me so that I have a voice or a task to focus on.  I am sure I will need this crutch for many months to come, but on the positive side, when I do complete the entire meditation there is a definite feeling of peace that comes over me.  The stress does subside and I find it easier to focus on other things after the meditation.

I suppose the only thing I can do is approach meditation just like soda, one day at a time baby, one day at a time.

One Day at a Time

Right isn’t that what the addicts say.  Well, in that vain, my name is adrienne and I have been soda free for 12 hours now.  I have officially fallen off the soda wagon.  I am not really sure how it even happened.  I knew I should have done a better job staying away from my triggers, but getting up at 6:00 a.m. isn’t optional and sitting at my desk being bored as hell also isn’t optional.  I guess I could blame my slip on quite a few things.  There is the fact that the freakin olympics are on until 12 a.m. everynight, but that doesn’t really seem like a valid excuse because my husband john keeps me up until 11:30 making me laugh until I pee each night, but maybe that 30 minutes is crossing over the proverbial line. I know I said I wasn’t even going to watch the olympics, but my need to not be left out of the water cooler chatter forces me to watch michael phelps kick ass and then kick more ass.

I could blame it on the loud roomie who has the bladder the size of a pee and feels the need to start her day off at 5 a.m, but that really isn’t fair either because usually I can go right back to sleep.

I could blame it on the new vendor lady who is right out side the building goading me into just one hit. I mean for a only a 1.25, who can resist.  I could also blame it on home depot who forced me to take the 30 dollars in cash instead of putting it back on my card.  Because as greater as my little pakistani pusher is she don’t take credit.

In reality, I must blame noone but myself and the stress I am causing myself by trying to get these last 100 points in 15 days.  But I will do it dammit.  One day at a time.

Really

Fifty bucks for me to feel like shit for the rest of the night.  And the food wasn’t even that good. I wouldn’t say that I regret the experience but I definitely wouldn’t go back. The lobster Mac and Cheese was good but the chicken was just okay as was the dessert.  Wouldn’t be a problem that only one of the three was really good because three courses is too many anyways, BUT it sucks when you don’t eat all of the first course so that you have room for the other two courses, only to realize later long after the first course has been taken away that the first course was to be the best.

The wine was great though and I would totally pay ten bucks for that again for sure, but I wouldn’t have paid full price for any of the other stuff that we ordered today. I guess this is the penance that we pay for eating stuff we shouldn’t and not being able to afford the whole thing to begin with.  Just that I hate deprving myself of anything simply because I can’t afford it, which I totally need to get over, but that is something for another set of goals and another time.  I am going to take this time to just learn the lesson that sometimes a chipotle burrito is all you need.

Careful what you ask for

So obviously I am in desperate need of points.  I need to average 6 points a day for the rest of the month to be exact.  Am I worried??? Eh.. maybe a little but like the BFF says, she knows I will kill myself to make sure we have our glittered fannies in the seats. In that vein though I was working pretty hard this weekend to get the easy daily points and to make progress on the long term big point getters.  While I was doing that I was feeling pretty good about myself but I was looking for ways to amp up the point getting while here at work and bored off my hiney.  I decided that it would be a pretty good ideal to start eating lunch at my desk and using my 30 minutes to take a walk each day at lunch.  Great, but I can’t start until Wednesday because I am in the office by myself for two days.  Not a big deal, but for some reason I was really irritated by this.

Jump forward to Monday morning.  Usually being left alone in the office is a very boring thing, so in my effort of great planning last night i made sure to pack plenty of things to do while I was sitting here bored.  Yeah, not so much instead I have been inundated with phone calls and silly little projects.  But the killer was when the big boss decided to invite me on a walk for lunch.  Remember the title of this post.  Yeah that’s right a walk at lunch.  The good news is that is beautiful outside today.  Absolutely beautiful.  The bad news is that I don’t have much to talk about with my big boss.  It was a bit uncomfortable for quite a while then I just did my best to just be present and enjoy the gorgeous day and be grateful for the invitation.  Not everyone gets one.

All in all it was totally worth the point, but I might need to find a way to give myself another for something.  Just not quite sure what yet.

Geez Louise A Nap

Naps should be 20-30 minutes otherwise you enter REM sleep and have difficulty coming out of it and being prodcutive.  How many times have I heard that?  Geez at least 50, but yet it never seems to really sink in.  Also how many times have I told myself, I will only lay here for a minute just until I get cooled off, only to wake 2 hours later and feel like poop for the rest of the day? 

Well, it happened again on Friday I got out of work early and thought. WHooHOO now I can get so much more done and try to climb out of the point gutter.  I can meditate, go for an hour run, I can work on my sweater, I can work on a new earth.  Whoo hoo.. but what actually happened was me sleeping for THREE HOURS eating two servings of carrots and walking the dogs for 30 minutes.  DAMMIT. 

I promised myself that next week there would be no naps because there just isn’t time for naps.  NO TIME for naps. Only time for point earning activities.  Let’s just hope it isn’t really hot on the way home.